The Danger of Life With a Psychopathic Sibling

I grew up in a home with a psychopathic sibling. I did not know that she was a psychopath, but observed that she was vastly different from others I knew who were her age. To me, she was the “big sister,” six years older, who was fearless and captivated many, especially the males her age. She knew what to say and how to say it—even if she lied.

Manipulating the authority figure

Psychologist Robert Lindner suggests in his book, Rebel Without a Cause, that the psychopathic sibling does not like “whoever it is who interferes with the child’s energetic attempts to obtain the attention and affection of the mother.”¹ The psychopathic child has no qualms about manipulating the mother, especially if vying for her attention. My sister mastered how to manipulate our parents and more distant family members to get her way and to get them to believe untrue stories about me that she concocted. I had no idea any of this was happening until much later in my life.

A psychopath’s reaction to the birth of a sibling

My sister showed high levels of psychopathic characteristics from an early age. She was the only child until my birth. The psychopath does not take well to being one of two. She wants to be the center of all attention. Robert Hare writes in his book, Without Conscience, “Psychopaths have a narcissistic and grossly inflated view of their self-worth and importance, a truly astounding egocentricity and sense of entitlement, and see themselves as the center of the universe, as superior beings…”² A younger sibling could easily suffer when the psychopathic sibling feels her own standing may be threatened.

A personal near-tragic situation

An example of this occurred when I was about three years of age. My sister knew I was attracted to the brightly colored pieces from her Parcheesi board game. One day, she set them on the floor where she was sitting. Right in front of her, I swallowed three of the game pieces and began choking while she watched me. She said nothing to my mother, who was in the next room. Choking interfered with my breathing until my father happened to enter the room. He grabbed me, shaking and pounding my back while putting his fingers down my throat to dislodge the three game pieces. I could have died had it not been for my father’s quick action.

Growing up with a psychopathic sibling

From my earliest years, I felt my sister’s resentment, but did not understand it since having a big sister was very special to me. She mocked and devalued everything I did. Unlike sisters in other families I knew, we were never close. She pushed me away at every turn, and when we were alone, she often denigrated me, ordered me around, and forced me to do her work while she talked to friends on the telephone.Whenever she could, she painted me to others in the worst possible way, so as to distort their opinion of me. She was so glib and convincing that everyone believed her. She knew how to influence those who knew me so they would no longer like me.She mastered how to manipulate family members to get her way and to get them to believe untrue stories that she was personally designing. I had no idea any of this was happening until later in my life.

Lack of research on the effect of psychopaths on their siblings

Sibling abuse is the most common form of domestic abuse.³ There is, however, virtually no discussion of how a psychopath impacts her siblings.⁴ Hopefully this will be addressed by appropriate research. It has been estimated that this situation impacts millions in the United States alone.⁵ In the meantime, I hope that many will learn from my experience and not blame themselves for the damage caused by a psychopathic sibling.